Divine Wisdom for Daily Living by Joanne Colvin

Wise Friends Seek Each Other’s Wisdom

“The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters; the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook… “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.” (Proverbs 18:4; 20:5)

I have always loved fountains, be they natural fountains from underground springs and man-made fountains. There is a waterfall fountain outside of the Bistro in my building. You have to look closely to see the water falling over the rock quietly and continuously, molding itself to the contour of the rocks. Unlike a natural bubbling brook, this water is pushed to the top by an electric pump. Friends are more like well pumps that draw water out from the well of wisdom that God has given us. Wells draw water out and then push it into a storage tank to move through pipes, reaching the taps that we use. People in majority countries have an advantage over the rest of the world, in that they know and think about how water is extracted for their use because it periodically stops when the pump stops running. However, we usually take it for granted that whenever we turn on the tap, water will come out.

Friends often take each other for granted; we assume that we know everything about our friends, but the truth is that God wants us to draw out wisdom from each other’s hearts for the good of everyone. Recently I spend an evening in a Bible study with some friends I know pretty well. I was enriched by our time together, hearing about their challenges and need for even more wisdom, which we often find during our time together. John Gill says, “The doctrines which such a man has imbibed, and his heart is full of, and his mouth utters, are like to “waters”, pure, purifying, and refreshing; to “deep waters”, which make no noise, and cannot be easily fathomed…there is a spring of spiritual wisdom and knowledge in him; a well of living water, springing up unto everlasting life; and from thence it flows freely and constantly; communicating itself liberally unto others, and ministering grace to the hearers, for their edification.” *

Proverbs 20:5 extends this idea to point out that a person of “understanding” will be able to draw out her friends’ wisdom. There are natural underground springs that we would never know about unless they are tapped. Although the Holy Spirit continually fills believers with his Christ’s wisdom, our reservoirs of biblical truth go untapped until someone actively pursues it, which is why we need to spend time with our friend in Bible study and doctrinal discussions.

It is good to be appropriately inquisitive about our friends understanding of Scripture and its teachings. Are you curious about what your friends understand or believe, and how they use their wisdom in their lives? Will you be more proactive about drawing out your friends’ wisdom for their good and yours?

*  John Gill’s Exposition on the Whole Bible, https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/geb/proverbs-18.html

Asking Friends For Help

“Do your best to come to me soon. For Demas, in love with this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia. Luke alone is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry. Tychicus I have sent to Ephesus. When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, also the books, and above all the parchments.” (2 Timothy 4:9-13)

Have you ever been on a team for sports, work, or any competition? If you have you know that there are times when the captain or leader has to bark out orders for other team members. Following his instructions may lead to a win if the circumstances are right. However, if even one member of the team refuses to participate, everyone will lose. Individuals may be called out for their speed, timing, positioning for receptions, batting, etc., and they are often rebuked for the harm they did, racking up fouls that count against the entire team, not just the individuals. Paul has a group of trusted and beloved Christian missionaries that he has agreed to travel with to start church plants. However, in Phillipe where he founded the church, the congregation was in better shape than most others, doctrinally. And Paul did not want to lose the momentum that was helping the Philippians. He was more personal with them because he was a partner with them—removed to another part of the world— but still a partner. The believers in Philippe continued to send Paul money for his support, and they all rejoiced together in their mutual mission.

“Yet Paul’s purpose in writing goes even further. He is concerned that the Philippians continue to make progress in their faith (1:25). While there were no doubt conflicts within the congregation (notably that of Euodia and Syntyche, 4:2), the Philippians appear to be a healthy congregation, in contrast to the troubled groups in Corinth and Galatia. Can they then relax and rest? Paul’s answer is an emphatic no. The world is too perilous, and the gospel too glorious, for them to be content with past achievements (3:12–16). They must follow Paul’s example and “press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (3:14).” (1) Paul needed his friend to help with such a big mission.

Paul also wants to see Timothy one last time before he departs the world. (2) Demus may have become frightened by Paul’s prospects. The fact that Paul speaks out about Jesus Christ gets him in continual hot water. Demus seems to like things a little safer, less dangerous, more comfortable, like his former home in Thessalonica. At least there an apostle (such as Paul) wasn’t stirring things up in the church; Demus abandoned Paul spiritually more than physically. Luke was always by Paul’s side, and now it seems that Paul has fully reconciled with Mark who had abandoned him earlier. So he suggests that Timothy bring Mark along with him when he comes. Perhaps Mark will take Tychicus’s place since Paul decided to send Tychicus Ephesus. In any case, Paul was asking for at least three apostles to be with him in Philippi: Luke, Timothy, and Mark. We could look at these men like sports teams, Paul leading Luke, Mark, Timothy, and all the teachers at the school. Perhaps as their leader, Paul was assigning roles to help the Philippians maintain their Christian edge, rejoicing in the Spirit of God.

Do you or your children belong to a sports team? It’s a great way to develop interdependence and cooperation. The same happens on well-functioning work teams. People have their positions and goals, but sometimes (or in sports, always) need help to realize their goals and objective, so they ask for help. Why wouldn’t we ask for help when we need it? Would a soccer player play soccer without asking someone for a ball? Would a car sales associate try to sell a car without knowing how much he can negotiate? Would a man try to buy a house he saw without finding the seller or their agent? Of course not! So why, when we have personal needs, do we think we shouldn’t ask for help from our friends? Good friends are eager to pitch in if you ask and I bet you will help them, too, so let’s ask for the help we need.

• ESV Study Bible Notes, Philippians 2:1-4, (digital edition), Crossway, 2008.
• John Gill’s Exposition on the Whole Bible, https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/geb/philippians-2.html

The Need for Redemptive Friendships

“I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.” (Philippians 4:2-3)

How would you react if your name appeared in a letter to the editor, calling you out for a difference of opinion about your politics? Some of you would be fine with it since political debates are the norm these days. Others of us keep our political views to ourselves, so we would not be comfortable having them aired. I imagine (but do not find biblical proof) that spiritual beliefs were openly discussed in Paul’s day, much as political views are discussed in ours. But we do know that one of the big problems in the early churches was the prevalence of false teaching. Magnetic preachers who confused believers with nice-sounding philosophies may have been so convincing that Christians didn’t realize they were false teachers, just as it happens today. When we hear the truth, we may be inclined to reject it because it doesn’t appeal to our human creature comfort zones like other preaching. This is when we need the help of our friends, because if there’s one thing our sin nature seeks, its escape from confrontation by the truth.

The church in Philippi was Paul’s first church plant and undoubtedly very precious to him. He had received news about the church and wanted to let the congregation know that their brother, Epaphroditus had recovered from a serious illness (Philippians 2:25-28). Furthermore, Paul encouraged members to continue growing in the Christ and rejoicing in their salvation (Philippians 1:18b; 3:1; 4:4). As beloved brothers and sisters in the faith, Paul was concerned that Philippian believers would stick to the truth of the gospel as taught by him without deviation. Perhaps Euodia and Syntyche were leaders in women’s ministry at the church. (1) They had labored with Paul side-by-side for the gospel, but something has happened now that needs correcting—something essential to the faith. Euodia and Syntyche had a good friend in Paul, who,  although far away in Rome, cared deeply about their beliefs and their ministry. (See Philippians 3:12-18.)

Paul was not their only good friend. There is another “true companion” to whom he appealed for help in the matter; perhaps this was Epaphroditus. So far the women have two good friends, but then Paul mentions others, “the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.” Paul is identifying the women and the others as the redeemed who have received eternal life in Jesus Christ. The friends that Euodia and Syntyche need now are not those who will pass the time distracting them. They do not need friends who will tell them not to worry or agree with them. The friends they need now are those who will help them to distinguish truth from error, and remember what they were taught. Euodia and Syntyche need friends who are in the “book of life” with them. Paul and the others love them too much to leave them in confusion.

Can your friends count on you to help them with their essential biblical doctrine if needed? Do your friends know what you believe? Do you have a group of friends with whom you can discuss questions and doubts? Are you willing to be corrected by your Christian friends?

* ESV Study Bible Notes (digital edition), Crossway, 2008, (Philippians 4:2)

Redemptive Friendships are Constant.

“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.” (Romans 12:9-13)

It’s Monday morning and I have a To Do list that is staggering. So maybe I should set priorities and determine the best time to take care of each item, around appointments. Hopefully, at the end of the day I won’t feel like I haven’t accomplished anything because I did the most important things first. Even if I get my priorities completed, it isn’t a lost day. I used to think like this until I realized that it is utterly un-Christlike. We are not created to finish To Do lists (or Honey Do lists). We were designed to be in fellowship with Jesus Christ as we move through our days that will have ups and downs. This is not to say that the lists go away—they don’t.

Life in Christ is not about getting things done but about living joyfully and redemptively with our Christian family, whom we also consider our friends. Romans 12:9-13 offers us a different kind of list that can help us get our thinking straight. However, the list in Romans is not accomplished by our determination. It is a description of the way Christians live with each other, of how we love our friends. If we are close to Jesus, our love will be genuine,  drawn to what is right, and repelled by sin (v. 9) When we are yielding to Christ, we can love one another affectionately and honorably (v. 10). Christ gives us the desire to serve him and others enthusiastically (v. 11). When we live for God we rejoice in the hope he has given us, we endure trials patiently and pray continuously (v. 12). Finally, the love of Christ moves us to help others materially and to offer our friends generous hospitality (v. 13). This is a picture of Christian friendship, with its deep love, constancy, and compassion.

In Tolkien’s “The Fellowship of the Ring,” Frodo Baggins had a great task to accomplish—to throw the ring of power back into the fiery waters of Mordor, after navigating a hellish landscape and fighting off demons of every kind. But he didn’t and couldn’t do it alone. His friend Sam Gamgee was beside him every step of the way. Frodo told him, “’It is going to be very dangerous, Sam. It is already dangerous. Most likely neither of us will come back.’ ‘If you don’t come back sir, then I shan’t, that’s certain,’ said Sam. ‘Don’t you leave him!’ they said to me. ‘Leave him!’ I said. ‘I never mean to. I am going with him if he climbs to the Moon, and if any of those Black Riders try to stop him, they’ll have Sam Gamgee to reckon with,’ I said.” * In fact, as the title reveals, Frodo had a strong fellowship of friends with him: Gandalf, Legolas, Gimli, Aragon, Boromir, Pippin, and Merry. Every one of them was committed to being with Frodo in whatever way needed until the end, no matter what. This is a picture of the robust and life-giving constancy that the Lord provides for his people through our friends—our brothers and sisters in Christ. Our goal together is heaven where the evil will end, and we will enjoy the fruit of Christ’s work, not ours.

If you make your day about constancy in your relationships, how will you spend your time? What picture or story will you have at the end of the day with your friends? Will you look at your list with fresh eyes, to know the needs of your friends and how you might offer them hope, joy, love, and service?

* J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring, as Frodo and Sam are leaving the Shire to destroy the ring.

Redemptive Friendships

“After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them on ahead of him, two by two, into every town and place where he himself was about to go. And he said to them, ‘The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest. Go your way; behold, I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of wolves.’” (Luke 10:1-3)

About twenty years ago I participated in an evangelism program with my church. We studied Scripture together, prayed together, and then went out to knock on the doors of people who had visited our church. Those visitors were expecting us since they filled out a form asking if they would like someone to come to their home. I was happy to have the company of one or two other Christians since we were never sure about the reception awaiting us.

The Lord brings us together in local church families and friendships for his glory and growth of the kingdom of Jesus Christ. Christian associations are meant to be uniquely redemptive, to encourage and equip each other in our sanctification and evangelism. We are all “lambs in the midst of wolves;” who could be chewed up by the hardness and ungodliness of the world in which we live. Every other religion expects its converts to jump through hoops, proving their worth and right to become a disciple. Christian faith is never gained by works or force, but only by the power of God the Holy Spirit working through believers (Ephesians 2). Jesus instructed his lambs not to go from house to house or stay where they were not welcome. (Luke 10:7, 10-11) The gospel is never embraced by force, so we should never use forceful means to “convince” someone to believe in Christ as Lord and Savior. A friend may be just the person we need to remind us of this and help us stay grace-centered for God’s glory.

The friendship believers have with Christ is a redemptive friendship; its focus is the glory of God through the sanctification of believers. Our human friendships should also be redemptive, as we encourage and equip each other in our spiritual growth. As Christ died for His friends, so we ought to be willing to die to ourselves for the good of our friends. God has called us to our local churches and is drawing us to himself together with our friends. He is providing us with the food and drink that will refresh our souls and knit us together with those whom he has appointed for our combined strength. Will you reach out to your friends, for the sake of the gospel, taking your friendships to the next level for mutual strengthening?

Biblical Humor with Friends

“Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda… Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘I am only joking!’” (Proverbs 25:20; 26:18-19)

The online version of Scientific American posted an article entitled, “The Surprising Benefits of Sarcasm.” The article identifies the problems and dangers of sarcasm but also states that sarcasm can increase creativity. “Sarcasm can be interpreted negatively, and thus cause relationship costs. So, how do we harness its creative benefits without creating the type of conflict that can damage a relationship? It comes down to trust. Our studies show that, given the same content and tone, sarcasm expressed toward or received from someone we trust is less conflict provoking than sarcasm expressed toward or received from someone we distrust.” * I hope you find this as disturbing as I do; all sarcasm is problematic—so why would anyone promote its use? Sarcastic remarks are those that are critically ironic and mocking; it is unbecoming and unlovely for Christians to use sarcasm with anyone, for any reason.

Inappropriate joking is much like sarcasm and is usually misunderstood by people of different cultural backgrounds. Proverbs warns us that any insensitive joking is damaging and dangerous, with anyone. When you are grieving, disappointed, or generally sad, it is not kind for a friend to try to “lift your spirits” with superficial amusement, disregarding your heavy heart, unless you have agreed to the distraction. It would be discomforting, like stripping your coat off in the middle of winter and as unbeneficial as combining vinegar and baking soda—which ruins them both. In other words, joking inappropriately with your friend will spoil your friendship. Christian men and women should not encourage each other to bond with each other by mocking others and or being sarcastic. Scripture will not support this practice.

Using jokes to try to hide resentment or anger is also unbiblical. Proverbs 26:18-19 compares joking about someone to destroying property and people. The person who jokes about his true feelings is like a juvenile delinquent who shoots arrows and flames into someone’s property for fun or sport. He acts like he means no harm and cares nothing for his neighbor or friend. Someone who is united to you in the Spirit cannot treat your, his friend casually and with insensitivity. Christian friends love and respect each other’s feelings.

So what is the proper source of laughter? Sarah, Abraham’s wife, knew how to laugh for the right reason. At first, her laughter was an attempt to hide her cynicism about bearing a child in her old age. But after the birth of Isaac (whose name means “laughter”), “Sarah said, ‘God has made laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh over me.’ And she said, ‘Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children? Yet I have borne him a son in his old age.’” (Genesis 21:6-7) Sarah was laughing with God and at herself.

Do you think it’s funny to mock others or use sarcasm? Forethought is the wise path; excuses for hurtful mocking will not be enough when your gospel witness is spoiled by one joke or thoughtless remark. Can you laugh at yourself instead?

* https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-surprising-benefits-of-sarcasm/

Conflicts Among Friends, Part 3

“Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends…A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle… Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.” (Proverbs 17:9; 18:19; 22:24-25)

Have you read an instruction manual for a new appliance, device, or tool lately? The brochure usually has a section titled, “Safeguards,” “Quick Start Guide,” or “Warnings?” Next comes a section describing the parts or functions. The last part of the brochure may be a trouble-shooting chart or guide. These verses from Proverbs remind me of an instruction manual for friendships for someone who has difficulty with anger. If we take them in reverse order, the last citation (22:24-25) describes a potential friendship that is to be avoided rather than lead to trouble (warning).  The middles passage (18:19) speaks of an offended “brother” who is unyielding, describing the spiritual hardness that results from quarreling (description). The first verse (17:19) speaks of a friendship in which one friend may cover or hide the other’s sin or offense rather than reminding him of it (troubleshooting guide).

Continuing in this reverse order, Proverbs warns us not to get into trouble with anger ourselves by spending time with an angry friend (22:24-25). We already know that we become like those with whom we spend time. But do we realize that anger is an intensely strong emotion, but is often evidenced by a person’s critical attitude and judgmental spirit? It is much more likely that the angry friend will have a more significant influence than the neutral party, because of anger’s intensity. Irate people frequently find many things to criticize, even mundane things like the weather, or someone’s car, or a slight inconvenience. We are instructed not to make this person our friend, or go anywhere with him or her.

If we do not heed this warning and have a friend who is often angry, we will notice that our friend is also frequently offended and stubbornly so (18:19). He holds onto his offenses tightly–his heart and mind cannot be penetrated, as a guarded city or jail cell cannot be breached. Trying to reconcile with a friend who has become alienated is probably harder than patching things up with a stranger or enemy because we are so much more disappointed or disillusioned by our conflict. The closer we are, the deeper the hurt.

Proverbs 17:9 teaches that if we remind our friends of their sins and offenses against us (after resolving them), they will want to separate from us.* Or, if we mention our friend’s offenses to others in gossip or slander, they will surely not want to remain friends. However, if we love our friend, we will want to resolve the matter and never mention it again. I wonder if this was the case after the apostles Paul and Mark settled their differences, which caused them to split up in the first place (Acts 13:13; 15:38-40; Colossians 4:10).

When we are the Christian friend with the anger problem, we should take the Proverb’s warning and get help before we lose all our friends, and are left alone. When we do become angry, if we hold onto our anger we imprison ourselves, unable to break free. But when Christians sin against a friend, we should love them so much that we cannot bear to be separated from them. So we quickly resolve the issue through honest confession and repentance. If they have offended us, we should try to let an offense go and not talk about it again after addressing and reconciling the matter, if necessary. “In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33) Work with your Christian friends on your conflicts since you both have the Holy Spirit, who has overcome the world.

* John Gill’s Exposition on the Whole Bible, https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/geb/proverbs-17.html

Conflicts Among Friends, Part 2

“If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison.” (Matthew 5:21-25)

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” (Matthew 18:15-17)

“When one of you has a grievance against another, does he dare go to law before the unrighteous instead of the saints? Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world?…Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers, but brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers? To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? But you yourselves wrong and defraud—even your own brothers!” (1 Corinthians 6:1-8)

I purchased a new hummingbird feeder that is specifically designed to deter bees from drinking the nectar. However, somehow the bees still come, and somehow they still get sugar-water from the rounded covers over the openings. The hummingbirds are reluctant to land and drink when the bees are on the feeder. I was very annoyed by this until I learned that a single bee sting could kill a hummingbird because the bird has so little body weight to absorb the poison. Some of us are very thin-skinned and, like hummingbirds, may be especially susceptible to stings from our friends, who may not mean to hurt us.

One way to prevent deep hurts is to speak with your friend openly and frankly if you have been offended, or think you may have offended him or her. (Matthew 5:21-25) Friends who are united in Christ should be able to talk freely and graciously with each other to clear the air. Delaying will only cause a problem to worsen and trust to disintegrate. We approach our friends believing that they did not intend to hurt us because we know that they love us. When we have this perspective, we can speak with our friends calmly, lovingly and graciously, with an emphasis on the gospel, letting them know that we were hurt or offended by their actions or words. Verbalizing our hurt often frees us to forgive our friends and even draw closer to them. Conflicts do not disappear with time; they only grow more intense.

Paul was dismayed by the lawsuit-happy Corinthians who were acting like unbelievers, taking their financial and property-related disputes to the secular court instead of settling matters between each other. * The Christians were to work at reconciling their issues one-to-one, as Jesus taught in Matthew 18. If they were unable to do so, they were to ask someone neutral to help—a believer with the wisdom of Christ—not a civil magistrate. Gospel wisdom is wiser and more effective than the law, especially the secular legal courts.

Lessons we can draw from these verses include:

• accepting that is not right to expect the one who has sinned to do all the work of reconciliation
• It is not wise or loving to neglect conflicts.
• The church is the Christian’s home and place where we should seek help, not the courts.

* “Although some have argued that Paul is prohibiting Christians from ever going to court against another Christian, Paul seems in these verses only to be addressing disputes related to property or money (cf. ‘Why not rather be defrauded?’ v. 7), rather than criminal cases, which fall under the jurisdiction of the state.” ESV Study Bible Notes (digital edition), Crossway, 2008. Note on 1 Corinthian 6:1.

Conflicts Among Friends, Part 1

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” (Matthew 18:15)

“Though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required, yet for love’s sake I prefer to appeal to you—I, Paul, an old man and now a prisoner also for Christ Jesus—I appeal to you for my child, Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment. (Formerly he was useless to you, but now he is indeed useful to you and to me.) I am sending him back to you, sending my very heart…if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me. If he has wronged you at all, or owes you anything, charge that to my account. I, Paul, write this with my own hand: I will repay it—to say nothing of your owing me even your own self. Yes, brother, I want some benefit from you in the Lord. Refresh my heart in Christ.” (Philemon 1:8-12, 17-20)

One of the challenges of writing a blog is to keep the posting fresh. I felt a bit uncomfortable yesterday as I wrote about furniture. Did I really want to compare an inanimate object to human beings? Now I realize that I had Onesimus on my mind, who was useless to the Christians in Colossae but, having been transformed by the gospel through his contact with Paul, was now useful and growing spiritually. He had been the property of Philemon, a slave owner in Colossae, and probably tried to lose himself in Rome, but instead was found by Christ and Paul. * Paul offers the Christians in Colossae the same advice the father gave to the older son of the prodigal who was offended by his brother’s sin. “It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.” (Luke 15:32)

Friendships can be frightening because they require personal vulnerability, the degree of which varies depending on the level of intimacy. The more responsibilities we have in connection with others, the more challenging the relationships. Conflicts are inevitable when two or more people form a bond. Our sin natures influence our motives and attitudes, which then result in words or actions that may unintentionally hurt, insult, or confuse our friends. Even mature Christians with the best intentions can be wrong as they try to help their friends, especially during personal trials. However, fear of conflict and issues in friendships do not justify shrinking back from becoming intimately involved in the lives of others, for our mutual benefit.

The instruction in Matthew 18 from Jesus serves as our primary guidance in every relationship with any conflict of any kind. “If a matter can be settled without getting others involved, that will keep rumors and misunderstandings from multiplying and will keep the conflict from spreading (cf. Prov. 25:9)…The ultimate objective is restoration of the offending brother or sister to the path of discipleship.” (2)

If we have friendships in which we are not comfortable talking directly about our conflicts, it is because we are unforgiving and possibly hurt beyond this particular issue. We may even be burdened by old injuries that are renewed by something small. I can imagine that the believers in Colossae were so offended by Onesimus’s behavior that they may not have been able to forgive him without Paul’s help. As friends, we should always remind each other of gospel forgiveness that we possess and offer it to others. Will you remember the gospel when you are offended and yield to Christ, for the sake of him in your friendships?

(1) ESV Study Bible Notes (digital edition), Crossway, 2008, Notes on Philemon.

(2) ESV Study Bible Notes (digital edition), Crossway, 2008, Note on Matthew 18:5.

 

Wise Friends Make us Wiser Friends

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.…Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed…A wise man is full of strength, and a man of knowledge enhances his might,” (Proverbs 13:20; 15:22; 24:5)

“Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’” (1 Corinthians 15:33)

Have you ever owned an antique? I used to have many antique tables in my home. I purchased some that had been painted, which I stripped and refinished, to show off the original wood in its best light. I have also had very cheap furniture that didn’t last very long. The antique furniture became more valuable as it aged in its best condition. However, inexpensive and poorly made furniture gives out very quickly to become trash, ruined and useless. Bad company and fools are worse than that furniture because they harm and corrupt others. They are best abandoned like a broken chair, since they will only annoy, at best and irreparable damage at worst, for their lack of wisdom. Wise friends who offer good counsel, who are full of strength and godly knowledge enhance their friends, like antiques enhance a home.

A wise friend influences others for good by growing in wisdom. Wisdom is the strength of biblical friendships and leads to the kind of stability that can only be found in Jesus Christ. The wise friend is humble and meek, seeking not his own good but that of his friends. She is cognizant of her limitations and recognizes her biases and presumptions. She grows stronger with each passing year because the Lord is at work in her. Her friends also benefit from her spiritual growth and wisdom. A wise friend who works to resist a temptation encourages other to do the same. A companion who prays regularly with others will remind his friends that speaking with the Lord is always appropriate and advisable. A Christian neighbor or colleague who is at ease sharing the gospel will help others to do the same and redirect their focus from the world to the Lord.

Their surrounding Greek society strongly influenced the Corinthian believers. The proverb “Bad company ruins good morals” was common in their city. * It has a parallel meaning to the popular Jewish proverb, “A little leaven leavens the whole lump.” (1 Corinthians 5:6) Perhaps both remind us of a modern saying: “If you lie down with dogs you’ll get fleas.” This is biblical wisdom that includes such common sense. We should not be deceived—the people with whom we associate influence us, as does advertising, movies, music, media, TV, books, Facebook, etc.

Let’s choose our friends carefully, and ask God for grace to let go of those with whom there is no spiritual growth, for our mutual good.

* John Gill’s Exposition on the Whole Bible, https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/geb/1-corinthians-15.html