Divine Wisdom for Daily Living by Joanne Colvin

August 24               A Family Covenant, Part 2

“The rest of the people, the priests, the Levites, the gatekeepers, the singers, the temple servants, and all who have separated themselves from the peoples of the lands to the Law of God, their wives, their sons, their daughters, all who have knowledge and understanding, join with their brothers, their nobles, and enter into a curse and an oath to walk in God’s Law that was given by Moses the servant of God, and to observe and do all the commandments of the Lord our Lord and his rules and his statutes.” (Nehemiah 10:28-29)

Nehemiah left his position in Susa as the chief cupbearer to the king to rebuild the wall in Jerusalem. He led the people to work at it, finishing the wall in record time. But the physical wall, the temple, and all the external rebuilding couldn’t change the hearts of God’s people. So Nehemiah led the people to worship the Lord and read The Law together. “And they stood up in their place and read from the Book of the Law of the Lord their God for a quarter of the day; for another quarter of it they made confession and worshiped the Lord their God.” (Nehemiah 9:3) After the Levites acknowledged God’s sovereign, exalted rulership, and role as creator, they prayed a prayer of sincere confession and recommitted themselves to honor God with their practices, because of his compassion, grace, steadfast love, and forgiveness. “Because of all this we make a firm covenant in writing; on the sealed document are the names of our princes, our Levites, and our priests.” (Nehemiah 9:38) In Chapter 10 we have a record of the people all agreeing with the Levites, including themselves in the written covenant and commitment to honor God’s statutes.

A family covenant can be a powerful tool for a family that wants to devote themselves to Jesus Christ. The purpose statement can be like a mission statement after the preamble of doctrinal significance and biblical faith. The purpose statement may be a specific goal or “mission” of the family, such as being more gospel-centered as a family or encouraging each other to apply biblical teachings. The Levites in Jerusalem had a specific purpose, implied in their confession, that immediately precedes their intention to create a written testimony. “Our kings, our princes, our priests, and our fathers have not kept your law or paid attention to your commandments and your warnings that you gave them. Even in their own kingdom, and amid your great goodness that you gave them, and in the large and rich land that you set before them, they did not serve you or turn from their wicked works. Behold, we are slaves this day; in the land that you gave to our fathers to enjoy its fruit and its good gifts, behold, we are slaves. And its rich yield goes to the kings whom you have set over us because of our sins. They rule over our bodies and over our livestock as they please, and we are in great distress.” (Nehemiah 9:34-37) The Levites wanted Israel, the family of God, to appreciate all that the Lord had done for them and enjoy the freedom he had prepared for them in their own nation.

We establish most family rules and boundaries because of issues and problems that arise; organizations do the same thing. So, as your children act out conflicts, rebelliousness, or confusion over moral and ethical issues, perhaps it is time to work on a family covenant. The purpose of the covenant should address your primary concern for your family. Rather than wait for the next crisis, will you begin thinking about your mission as a family dedicated to Jesus Christ?

A Family Covenant—Part 1

“My son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding, that you may keep discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge.” (Proverbs 5:1-2)

“Now you, brothers, like Isaac, are children of promise…we are not children of the slave but of the free woman. (Galatians 4:28, 31) 

We live by agreements. We make plans through agreements with others and drive our children to their activities because we have agreed to help them. We agree to go to church, serve in the church, in a particular ministry, and fellowship with our brothers and sisters in Christ, in agreement with Scripture. Most of the agreements we make are more like promises and casual contracts, subject to change. Even the marriage contract, which was once considered to be a binding covenant is now viewed as a casual promise based on feelings and circumstances, for a large percentage of married couples. However, God’s biblical covenants are immutable, dependable, and secure; they will never change.

One way for a family to honor God is by creating and using a family covenant. There are many benefits to parents and children who have worked through and agreed to keep a gospel-centered focus within their family (depending on the age of the children). Rather than having to repeat basic doctrines of faith and their application, as if it is new instruction, a family covenant provides a means to remember them, with the responsibility on all parties, not only the parents. Our “children of the promise” can benefit from a gospel-centered covenant on which to base their choices and decisions as they grow up. Parents who have babies or very young children can begin with a covenant for the two of them as it regards their growing children. Christians are called to provide gracious, forgiving, loving, and teaching home environments where the application of the gospel and its attendant doctrines is not only understood but practiced as a lifestyle.

Some ideas for the family covenants have been taken from Dean Blevins article “Faithful Homes,” and other resources listed at the end of this post. (1) Blevins suggests a covenant with three parts: a preamble, a purpose statement, and covenant practices. I like this particular order because the preamble is the basis for the family’s faith, and if the gospel is clearly enunciated, it describes Scripture’s calling for every believer. Your covenant preamble might be a confession or creed, such as the Nicene Creed, Apostle’s Creed or even a question and answer from the Westminster Confession of Faith, The Westminster Catechism, or  The Heidelberg Catechism. The benefit of using a known creed or catechism is that is has been developed by the fathers of our faith with tremendous care, the help of the Holy Spirit, and has been  confirmed to be biblically accurate and true. Making up a preamble is also an option, but may lacks historical references for further study by family members.. You may want to think of it as you would a once-in-a-lifetime wedding vow that expresses the truth—of the gospel, God’s character, and Scripture’s teaching—not feelings or opinions. The goal is to have a vision for your family that is teachable for your children.

Our Christian mission is not something we have to invent, since God has called every believer to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.” (Romans 8:29).  You may want to use such a passage as this as your preamble, being ready to teach and explain the meaning of “calling” and “baptism” (of the Holy Spirit at regeneration).

Would you consider using a covenant with your family? If no, why not? If so, will you start working on the preamble, with prayer and discussion together? What obstacles might you face? Will you handle this as the beginning of your consistent instruction for your children?

* Blevins, Dean G., “Faithful Homes,” http://www.faithfulhomes.org (this article may no longer be available online)

* OtherResources for family covenants:

• https://divinewisdomforchristians.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/674e2-familycovenant.pdf
• https://www.the-highway.com/articleOct10.html
• https://www.pinterest.com/doribeltz/family-covenant-ideas/(be discerning here)
• http://www.apuritansmind.com/the-christian-walk/the-christian-family/

Difficult passages about families in the New Testament

“While he was still speaking to the people, behold, his mother and his brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. But he replied to the man who told him, ‘Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?’ And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.’” (Matthew 12:46-50)

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:26)

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:34-39)

The passages cited above are some of the most difficult for children (and some adults) to understand. Jesus would never contradict God’s command in the Old Testament to honor one’s father or mother. (See Matthew 15:3-9.) He is certainly not teaching children to abhor their parents and siblings but is instead teaching them to love him more than they love their them, as stated in Matthew 10:37. When Mary and his brothers sought to speak with Jesus, they did not attempt to hinder Jesus’s work but came to warn him about the danger he faced from the Pharisees.* Rather than deny them, Jesus was “hating” (loving less) the protection of his biological family and loving his disciples, his spiritual family, more. We are to do the same.

Who better to teach these difficult passages than Christian parents who love their children? The fact that believers belong to a greater family in Christ is cause for celebration, not fear or anxiety. Wherever I go in this world, I will have a mother, brothers, and sisters in Christ. When your children go off into the world, it is a joy to know that they have a family who seeks their good and ideally loves them as Christ loves them. Unfortunately, many Christians do not understand or appreciate that every believer in Jesus Christ is their brother or sister, that they are the family of God. And many who do embrace this doctrine still do not treat other believers as brothers or sisters, let alone as friends or neighbors. Maybe we need to examine our characterizations of spiritual brothers and sisters. The Bible teaches us that our brothers and sisters in Christ are those who are closest to us spiritually, caring deeply for each other, working together in Christ, for the gospel, according to the gifts God has given us. Here is Peter’s description of brotherly love: “Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God.” (1 Peter 1:22-23) The believers in Antioch were distressed about their brothers’ need,  “So the disciples determined, every one according to his ability, to send relief to the brothers living in Judea.” (Acts 11:29)

What a joy it is when your biological son, daughter, brother, sister, mother, or father is also your family member in faith! Whether or not this is true, we believers have a vast, global family in Christ who need our love and attention. So if you are discouraged about your nuclear family’s unbelief or your singleness, take heart. You will never, ever be without a family if you belong to Christ, and neither will your children if they are his. “So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.” (Ephesians 2:19-22)

* John Gill’s Exposition on the Whole Bible, https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/geb/matthew-10.html

“Who has ascended to heaven and come down? Who has gathered the wind in his fists? Who has wrapped up the waters in a garment? Who has established all the ends of the earth? What is his name, and what is his son’s name? Surely you know!” (Proverbs 30:4)

“And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, ‘Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.’ And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.” (Mark 10:13-16)

“Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. For the promise is for you and for your children and for all who are far off, everyone whom the Lord our God calls to himself.” (Acts 2:38-39)

The world turns, political strategies come and go, trends capture attention for a moment, sports teams win and lose, financial markets rise and fall, new currencies are even created, like bitcoin—but nothing essential changes—in the world. “What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 1:9) Agur, the author of Proverbs 30, turned his eyes up to the heavens and then back to earth, with a different view in mind; this is the view that we want our children to have, asking, “Who is God, and who is his son?”

As we teach our children about the covenants God makes with his people, it is vital that they know that life in this world will not change dramatically until the Day of Judgment. It is crucial that they look beyond this world and all of its trappings to the person of Jesus Christ. The best time for them to learn about the Son of God who alone makes atonement for sin is when they are young. As we teach them we are reminded that we are also to come to Jesus like little children, trusting, open, expecting love and tenderness, help and strength. We must remember though, that our unregenerate children will not understand and cannot receive the grace of Christ until the Holy Spirit works in their hearts. So we use The Law as a tutor while we teach the gospel. We are sinners leading sinners to the feet of Christ, but God is the one who picks them up and places them in Jesus’s lap. Families will not be united and live wisely together until all members understand the difference between the Old Covenant and the New Covenant—between the burden of human obedience and the perfect obedience of Jesus Christ. Only God can lift the burden that exists where there is division due to unconfessed sin and hard hearts. Only the gospel can truly unite family members who must confess and repent sin on a regular basis, to enjoy peace and unity from God’s forgiveness.

I heard a sermon in church yesterday that reminded me of the importance of rehearsing the gospel as frequently as possible, and especially together. When was the last time you had a “gospel talk,” outside of your church, with your spouse, children, or whole family? If your biological family members have no interest in Jesus, with whom in your Christian family can you share the gospel regularly?

“You are the sons of the prophets and of the covenant that God made with your fathers, saying to Abraham, And in your offspring shall all the families of the earth be blessed.” (Acts 3:25)

“Why then the law? It was added because of transgressions, until the offspring should come to whom the promise had been made, and it was put in place through angels by an intermediary.” (Galatians 3:19)

Families today are not generally known for a regular time of instruction and devotion unless parents are homeschooling their children. But the Bible’s commands for Israelite parents are also for us. “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” (Deuteronomy 6:4-7)  Why would parents not teach their children who God is, what he has done and is doing, and how they should relate to him? Perhaps it is because parents feel insecure or incompetent about how to begin.

We begin in the beginning, with the Old Testament, with creation, and with covenants since that’s where God’s revelation of himself starts, for our instruction. We must teach Christ from the whole Scripture, not just the New Testament if we want our children to understand the need for the gospel given the sinfulness of humankind. There are two great covenants: the law and the gospel. But the promise of grace, fulfilled through the gospel began not with Jesus Christ but with Abraham, an unbeliever, called by God to be the Father of Israel. And the covenant God established with Abraham was gracious, initiated by God, and unconditional. Even in the summary form of the covenant in Acts, there is no restriction on God’s part relating to the obedience of Israel—they would be his great nation, no matter how they acted. However, God, being sovereign and omnipotent had the power and wisdom to deny access to the Promised Land of the Covenant until those who were rebellious had died; only Joshua and Caleb would enter the Covenant Promised Land. (Numbers 14:14-24).  The Covenant of Works was a gracious gift to Israel to see her sinfulness, repent, seek God’s steadfast love and forgiveness, and desire the mercy required to remain in fellowship with him.

There is a spiritual progression in the work of God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit as God used his sacred covenants to teach his people about holiness, sin, worship, sanctification, purity, obedience, the sanctity of life, and our creatureliness. There is a radical divide between God, the creator and the people, his creatures. It is the separation that only the gospel can bridge, by the New Covenant of grace in Christ’s atoning death and resurrection. Understanding that the Law in the form of the Ten Commandments is a gift of truth and love—to bring us to our senses, to see the reality of our sin and its consequences—to take us all the way to Jesus Christ, our Savior is necessary for our children’s well-being, as it is for ours.

If you have any confusion or regrets about your understanding and appreciation of God’s Law, will you work them out so you can teach your family members about this critical aspect of God’s historical work? If you haven’t started teaching your children from the Old Testament, and the Law, when will you begin? Don’t they need help to understand the Old Covenant view of works, so their understanding of the New Covenant gospel is clear?

“Be fruitful and multiply, increase greatly on the earth and multiply in it…Behold, I establish my covenant with you and your offspring after you, and with every living creature that is with you, the birds, the livestock, and every beast of the earth with you, as many as came out of the ark; it is for every beast of the earth. I establish my covenant with you, that never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of the flood, and never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth.” (Genesis 9:7-11)

When his family left the ark, Father Noah was given a mission within a covenant: This week we will explore our mission within families within the covenant of Christ. Toward the end of the week, I will write offer the idea of a family covenant to help unite your family members in your role as God’s family. The first covenant that the Lord made with humanity, called the Covenant of Works, was instituted at the time of man’s creation. “The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.” (Genesis 2:15-17) “In this covenant of works, sometimes called the covenant of creation or covenant of life, God forbade Adam and Eve from eating of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Perfect obedience to this covenant would have confirmed Adam and Eve in life; they would have been reckoned as righteous before the Lord and would have inherited eternal life. We know this from both the warning of death attached to breaking this covenant as well as from Romans 5:12–21. In the Romans passage, Paul draws a parallel between the first Adam and the last Adam, who is Jesus Christ. He tells us that Christ’s obedience brings justification (the declaration of righteousness) and eternal life for those who are in Him (those who believe in Jesus).”

As believers we have a responsibility to teach our children about God’s covenants of works so, among other things, they will gain a broad understanding of and appreciation for the New Covenant of grace in Jesus Christ. Do your children know what a biblical covenant is, and the purpose of the covenant of works? Do they know why the Law of God is important, and how God uses it to expose our sinfulness and need for Christ? Do they know that obedience is required of them even under the New Covenant of grace? How will you begin to teach your children about biblical covenants and the mission we have in Jesus Christ? Will you start with the content of your church’s worship sermon today as a springboard for this discussion?  “The Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, ‘This is my body, which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.’ In the same way also he took the cup, after supper, saying, ‘This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.’” (1 Corinthians 11:23-25)

* Ligonier Ministries, “God’s First Covenant With Mankind,” https://www.ligonier.org/learn/devotionals/gods-first-covenant-mankind/

“My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent.” (Proverbs 1:10)

It’s not always easy o resist advertising that is enticing, even knowing that it may lead to sin. For some young men, looking at sexy ads for women’s clothing is dangerous because they are tempted to lust over the models. Young women may be tempted to covet the models’ bodies, beauty, or clothing, which is also sinful. Our world completely disregards the idea of sinfulness, and therefore, enticements are all around us. Magazines, online blogs, and ads promote healthy eating, but restaurants do not? The menus of most restaurants have many items loaded with fat and just a few that aren’t. It takes tremendous willpower to resist eating what takes good, looks good, and is prominent. Children are obsessed with sports because our culture encourages extreme physical fitness. Apparently, it’s now a trend for wealthy parents to build batting cages, tennis courts, and gyms to help their children become sports stars. Sexual, dietary, monetary, and physical gluttony are encouraged by our culture.

The context of Proverbs 1:10 is for Solomon’s son to resist those whose “feet run to evil… make haste to shed blood…men [who] lie in wait for their own blood; [who] set an ambush for their own lives…who is greedy for unjust gain…” (vs. 16, 18-19). Beside resisting societal pressure, our children must also resist aligning themselves with people who intentionally seek to do what is wrong. We might think of school bullies or children getting caught up in a trend of rebelliousness toward adults. There are serious consequences to childhood waywardness and naïveté. Friends may convince your child to go to a social website, and suddenly there is a danger of getting into an online relationship with a sexual offender. Internet sexual offenses comprise a range of crimes, “including sexual solicitations, (online interactions with minors for sexual purposes, including plans to meet offline)…and conspiracy crimes (e.g., collaborating with others to…sexually solicit minors, sexually traffic minors)…research by the Crimes against Children Research Center suggests that solicitation offenders target young adolescents, typically between ages 13 and 15.” *

What is the age at which a child should use social media, with his or her own account? Answering this as a theoretical question is easy—later is better. But children have widespread access to devices, so how are we to manage their use of social media? We must admit that we do not have control over what our children do when they are not at home or with us. So we must teach them “not to consent” to sinful or dangerous practices. Our children need to know the consequences of their behavior to make wise, biblical choices. They need to know how to confidently and verbally stand up to bullies and how to tell a friend that cheating is not only wrong but will lead to trouble. They need to know that there are people on the internet just looking for children to abuse, and how to stay safe. It’s the same as telling a child never to talk to or go somewhere with a stranger. We’re sinners by nature, so we are always vulnerable to outward enticements—children need to know how this works in the real world, and what to do about it. “But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith.” (1 Timothy 6:11-12a)

What dangers do your children or grandchildren face today? How are you helping them to learn to resist peer pressure and temptations to follow a “friend” who doesn’t care about dangerous consequences?

* Office of Justice Programs (The United States Department of Justice), Sex Offender ManagementAssessment and Planning Initiative, Office of Sex Offender Sentencing, Monitoring, Apprehending, Registering, and Tracking,  https://smart.gov/SOMAPI/sec1/ch4_internet.html

“My son, if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad. My inmost being will exult when your lips speak what is right. Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day. Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.” (Proverbs 23:15-18)

I wonder how many times a day we hear the word “hope.” “I hope you will come back.” “I hope you will understand.” “I hope to God…”(whatever that means, probably nothing to do with God). People throw around the word “hope” casually, as if it were an unimportant concept. However, biblical hope is not a casual concept but crucial assurance of our security in Jesus Christ now and in the life to come. (See Romans 5:1-5; 8:24-25; 15:12-13.) Christians are citizens of heaven now and for all eternity; this world is not our spiritual home. In Paul’s brilliant argument about the resurrection in 1 Corinthians 15, he says, “If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied. (v. 19) In Proverbs 23:18 the writer speaks of a future and a hope that is not of this world but is with God. As parents we need to teach and prepare our children for a future with God, to have heavenly hope in their hearts.

Lately, it seems like I am working backward through our passages, as I am today. Perhaps it’s because I am studying Ecclesiastes with “Living Live Backwards; How Ecclesiastes Teaches Us to Live in Light of the End,” by David Gibson. He writes, “The big issue of ‘where am I going with my life?’ tends to be micromanaged inside our heads. Usually it’s simply: ‘How am I doing today?’…the one person I am always acutely aware of is me…The Preacher offers a whole new way of living. He longs to see it absorbed into our bloodstream so that we experience a radical change in the orientation of our hearts and the way we see the world. He gives us a question to free us from ourselves: How are we doing? We, not I.” *

The “We” includes everyone in our lives—our “neighbors”—for this devotion, most particularly our children. But we cannot design, manage, or control our children’s hearts, so joy in our “inmost being” at what comes out of their mouths (v. 16) can only be a result of what God does in their hearts. We are, however, called to teach and influence their hearts, so that “we” are in the best possible position to have a hope and a future with Christ. Teaching them not to envy sinners is crucial for their ability to put their hope in God, not in the world. Many unbelievers and scoffers are successful, popular, and wealthy. Perhaps teaching children from the book of Ecclesiastes will help them realize that their hope in this world is futile. “Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man’s envy of his neighbor. This also is vanity and a striving after wind. The fool folds his hands and eats his own flesh. Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind.  Again, I saw vanity under the sun: one person who has no other, either son or brother, yet there is no end to all his toil, and his eyes are never satisfied with riches, so that he never asks, “For whom am I toiling and depriving myself of pleasure?” This also is vanity and an unhappy business.” (Ecclesiastes 4:4-8)

What would your children say if you asked them, “In what do you hope for your future?” Are you brave enough to hear their answer? Will you pray to God for the courage to ask and also pray for a wise, biblical response?

* Gibson, David, “Living Life Backwards,” Chapter 4 (Ecclesiastes 4), Crossway, 2017.

“A wise son hears his father’s instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke…Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” (Proverbs 13:1; 19:20-21)

One of our most insidious problems as sinful humans is to see ourselves as the center of our world. Defining ourselves by our feelings or thinking that everything is always about us traps us in a false sense of importance and security. When I trust my intense feelings or gut feelings for the basis of my decisions and choices I am doomed to stay stuck in a cycle of unrealistic expectations and disappointments (in myself, others, and even God). Unbelief in the sovereignty of God not only characterizes non-Christians but affects believers. Even righteous Job thought he knew what life was about based on his viewpoint and understanding. But look at what God said: “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements—surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy?” (Job 38:4-7) It is always God’s purpose that stands regardless of our ideas or plans. This doctrine compels us to remember that our instruction for our children is only useful in the purposes of the Lord, to bring them to the knowledge of Christ, in his timing and by his power, and use them for his glory.

As we discipline our children, we should be cognizant of the fact that their self-control and eternal security will not only help them to grow in wisdom but also affect society positively for Christ. If we are obsessed with ourselves, our feelings, and our plans, they will imitate our myopic view of the world. But if we are God-centered and other-centered, they will learn that life isn’t just about them. Either they will be glad to receive instruction and training or they will scoff at it; they will become future mentors or gluttons—living for God or living for themselves. Anthony Selvaggio comments: “When a foolish, undisciplined child grows into a foolish, undisciplined adult, the circle of trouble widens. Such adults often go through life towing havoc behind them, and are incapable of influencing society in the direction of anything except shallowness and corruption. Raise a fool, send him or her out into the world, and you have harmed more than your child. You have incrementally damaged your entire culture. Therefore, a second motivation for faithfully disciplining our children is to help fulfill the command to love my neighbor as I love myself (Luke 10:27).”

Knowing that the secret will of God is hidden from us, do you trust the Lord to use your instruction for their good and for the good of all those whom they influence? “The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.” (Deuteronomy 29:29) Rather than struggle to control our children’s future, let’s work on helping them appreciate Scriptural wisdom, for their good and for all those who will know them. Do your children seek wisdom?

* Selvaggio, Anthony, A Proverbs Driven Life,” on Proverbs 13:24 (Shepherd Press, 2011)

“My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights…Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death” (Proverbs 3:11-12; 19:8)

“[God] disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:10b-11)

We used to live in a world where we could just access any information at any time via the internet and social media. Now we live in a world where that information is sent and fed to us without even asking. News headlines pop up on our phones and ads for products we use magically appear on our social media pages. We have moved past instant gratification to “I get you, here’s what you need” in the most impersonal way. Entitlement is pervasive in the American culture and gaining ground around the globe. To fight this plague—and fight we must if we belong to Christ—we turn to God’s Word that advises us to never give up on our children’s discipline to counter this culture creep.

Proverbs 19:8 encourages us to hope for our children and continue disciplining them, no matter how difficult. The King James translation reads, “and let not thy soul spare for his crying.” We are to persevere with instruction, correction, teaching, and consequences for our children no matter how much they cry or complain, no matter how weary we become. We are not to lose hope and give up. Unfortunately, there are times when hope seems to be in vain when a child’s heart is hard and unyielding to any biblical teaching. Then discipline turns to persistent prayer, and the battle for his soul continues.

Hebrews Chapter 12 describes God’s discipline for us under the heading “Do Not Grow Weary” (ESV). The Lord knows our pitiful strength; he knows our tendency to give in and give up because we are tired and overcome by the influences of sin in ourselves, in the world, and from Satan. But we have Jesus, the forerunner of our faith and source of our strength. “Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.” (12:3-4) Jesus’s tough love is a reminder that godly love sometimes must be borne in afflictions, trials, and severe consequences, for our holy sanctification. The author of Hebrews quotes Proverbs 3:11-12, in which Solomon wisely advises his son to remember that God disciplines those whom he loves.

Correctional discipline that involves rebukes, strict consequences, and painful disappointments is necessary for all of us but is especially needful, though agonizing for parents when sin has taken hold of a child’s heart. The familiar saying, “This hurts me more than it hurts you,” has some truth to it because the more we know of God and his holiness the more disappointed we are when he is offended. Discipline is the best way to love our children, and will always result in good when it is based on God’s Word.

Do you believe in corrective discipline to discourage sinful attitudes and behavior? How do you respond to trials and afflictions? What can you learn from God’s correction for you that you can apply to as you lovingly discipline your children?