July 25

“The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult… Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city…The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.” (Proverbs  12:16; 16:32; 17:14)

“Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools. Say not, ‘Why were the former days better than these?’ For it is not from wisdom that you ask this. Wisdom is good with an inheritance, an advantage to those who see the sun. For the protection of wisdom is like the protection of money, and the advantage of knowledge is that wisdom preserves the life of him who has it. Consider the work of God: who can make straight what he has made crooked?” (Ecclesiastes 7:8-13)

It is not unreasonable to become discouraged just thinking about anger because it is such a destructive force in our relationships. Yet, vexation is a common experience that it must be managed. The verses from Proverbs remind us of the foolishness of becoming angry quickly. But how can a person change? Proverbs 12:15 states, “a wise man listens to advice,” which probably helps him to ignore an insult (v. 16). Proverbs 16:33 says, “The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord.” So we should consider what God is doing before becoming vexed with our circumstances, even in relationships. This brings us to Ecclesiastes, which speaks of the things of our lives—how they develop, our attitude toward them, and the role of godly wisdom as we consider them.

I was drawn to the passage from Ecclesiastes because of verse 9, which advises us to not be quick in our “spirits” to become angry, continuing our theme from yesterday, about letting go of anger before the day is done. But the context of the verse instructs us to examine our frustration over what God is doing in our lives as a source of our anger. I wonder how often we become angry with others when we are actually angry with God. I used to be shocked at how frequently I resent something God has allowed in my life. Now I am thankful that we can approach God’s throne with confidence to share our hearts and be healed by the wisdom and grace of the gospel, which gives us the strength to be honest with ourselves and with the Lord.

We are quick to be critical of our condition (v. 9) as we look back with rose-colored glasses, judging the past as better than today, with our present-day frustrations—and this is not wise (v. 10). Rather than look back, we should see today through the lens of the future, with wisdom to protect us like a financial inheritance protects children (vs. 11-12). We will realize that the end of our lives will be better than the beginning (v. 8) as we consider all God has done, especially in Christ to make our crooked ways straight (v. 13). The wisdom of living life with an eternal view of God’s forgiveness in Christ gives us the peace and strength to handle daily frustrations, difficulties, and relationships without becoming angry.

“There is a future for the man of peace.” (Psalm 37:37b) When we are peaceful, we recognize all that God has done to provide a future for us and our spouses. Will you rest in God’s peace to wisely handle the issues that arise in your marriage or other relationships?

July 24

“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil…Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:26-32)

When we are biblically commanded to speak well to our neighbors, spouses are not excluded but should be thought of as our closest neighbors. Paul describes a particular challenge we have in speaking well—anger. First, he hints at anger that is not sinful, which is righteous zeal—against our own sin, the sin of others, or sin in general, including immorality, unforgiveness, false teaching, and oppression—anger that promotes the glory of God and his commands. However, this passion can be carried too far or held on for too long, after the sun goes down, and then becomes that which is sinful. The longer we hold onto any kind of anger, the more tempting it is to grow bitter and develop grudges, which Satan can use to distract us from Christ. Once the sun goes down on the day of anger without resolution, we grant it a place in our lives for yet another day. The power of anger to distract us, to bind us up in emotional angst, and to separate us from our spouses, family members, friends, neighbors, and coworkers grows the longer we hold onto its pain and fury.

Wise Christians know that anger is the biggest problem for the one holding onto it; it sucks us dry of love and tenderness and keeps us imprisoned by its intensity. Being willing to forgive someone before the day ends, or asking for forgiveness demonstrates our desire to be free to love and live well. Of course, it is best to avoid anger in the first place, letting “no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” One test for freedom from anger and bitterness is our ability to speak well regardless of our circumstances, to build others up, sharing God’s grace with them. Forgiveness is a free gift from God that we are to offer each other, whether it’s requested or not. If we are gracious to extend our forgiveness, even our enemies will be built up. We forgive those who hurt us, who accuse us, and whom we have offended, even if they are revengeful. We also forgive those who refuse to be forgiving themselves if we are free in Christ. Our emotions do not determine whom we love or how we love them.

Another reason to let go of anger, in the spirit of forgiveness is for the sake of honoring God, the Holy Spirit. Here we have a command to “not grieve the Holy Spirit” with our anger, so we shouldn’t. Only by “putting away” the six specific sinful aspects of antagonism (bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice) can we glorify God in our marriages and other relationships. How can we live and love in the grace of God if we are determined to make others suffer because of our hurt and anger? “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” (James 4:7-8) Let’s run to Christ, confess when we are angry, and let God take away the bitterness in our hearts, for his glory, our spouse’s well-being, and our own good.

July 23

“A wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain…It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife…It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman…Continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one’s right hand.” (Proverbs 19:13b; 21:19; 25:24; 27:15-16)

The Lord apparently knows women to be quarrelsome at times. I chose today for this issue because it logically follows the discussion on divorce. Men (and women) should not be leaving their spouses because they are annoying, which they did in Jesus time and we know they are doing today. It wasn’t just Samuel and the other writers of Proverbs who were annoyed with their wives, and sometimes it is the wives who are annoyed with their argumentative husbands. This grouping of proverbs compares a cantankerous wife to the drips from a leaky roof, the wind that cannot be tamed, and oil that one is trying to hold in his hand. The first picture is one in which something can be fixed—patch the leak, and the rain will no longer enter the house. However, if the roof is not repaired promptly, the drips increase, the water spreads, and the roof will inevitably be destroyed until it needs to be replaced. Of course, wives should be convicted that there are many ways to communicate without being argumentative. Unfortunately, this seems like a common picture of many marriages, where the wife is unhappy, becomes quarrelsome when the husband tries to ignore her (perhaps escaping to a “corner” of the house or to the desert), and the problem just gets worse, until divorce becomes attractive.

Proverbs 27:12 warns a man to flee from danger. A quarrelsome wife is a danger to a marriage, as is a man who finds her “challenging,” thinking he will be able to control her like the wind or oil in his hand. The ESV Study Bible comments, “The fact that the husband tries but fails to restrain his wife pictures the consequences of a marriage working against itself, rather than each person working with and for the other (as seen in contrasting descriptions of 31:11–12, 23, 28, 31).” *Let’s just look at one of these citations, Proverbs 31:11 “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” While many women argue about things “for the good of their husbands,” or “for the good of the family,” verbal fighting isn’t glorifying to God, no matter how it is justified by the hostile party. Anger in a marriage is like the water on the roof. When it’s raining, the damage is apparent; however, when the sun is out, the damage isn’t noticeable from the inside. But then the roofer gets up there to take a look, from an outside, objective viewpoint, and the problem is exposed for what it is.

The Lord knows our hearts (Psalm 44:21). He knows that many of us struggle with anger, which is not always wrong but is frequently mishandled. But Scripture teaches us, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” (Ephesians 4:26-27). Will you wisely work out your issues, with God’s help before they destroy your marriage and pray for others to do the same? If you are quarrelsome, will you stop being provocative and do good to your spouse?

* ESV Study Bible Note on Proverbs 27:15-16, online edition, Crossway Bibles

July 22

“’And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.’ The disciples said to him, ‘If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.’ But he said to them, ‘Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.’” (Matthew 19:9-12)

Jesus Christ is the most striking biblical example of an unmarried man.  Here he comments that it is better to stay unmarried than to get married and divorced for any reason other than your partner’s sexual infidelity. Unfortunately, today many people will agree with this statement—many who having sexual intimacy, and may be living with their (male or female) partner, even having children together. But Jesus is saying that it is better to remain celibate and single if you aren’t committed to staying married to one person, of the opposite sex, for the duration of yours or their life. I imagine that the number of people today who would choose to remain celibate is small, as it was then. Jesus says that only those “to whom it is given” will be able to stay single and chaste.

God, in his grace, and with the power of the Holy Spirit gives us the ability to obey his commands. It is not by our own strength that we even desire to submit to God’s rule over our lives. It is by the combined strength of the indwelling Spirit, the call of God on our lives, and the sanctified muscle we develop that we even begin to obey the Lord. Sexual obedience is especially challenging for young people, so perhaps God must give believers something to induce them to remain single. That “something” is usually called a spiritual gift, but it could also be a consequence of unfortunate event early in the life of a person, such as sexual abuse, or a medical problem. Jesus describes three types of eunuchs here: those who are somehow born without sexual ability (physically), those who were emasculated by others, (for the sake of their service to royalty usually), and men who decided to become asexual to focus on serving the Lord, for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

As usual, my objective today is not to make a particular point, but to familiarize ourselves with the teaching of Scripture as regards marriage and singleness. Whether we study the Bible exegetically or topically, as we are doing here, our goal should be to become so familiar with God’s Word that we think, act, and live according to it, with appreciation, understanding, trust, and compliance. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t arrived there yet; I continue to look at texts like these as if they are alien to me, in spite of having the gift of singleness. But as those whose life is hidden in Christ, whatever he has said should be the most natural and easy thing for us to accept.

As you worship today in church, will you listen to God’s Word preached as that which you trust and plan to comply with? Will you encourage the couples in your church who have remained married and the singles who have faithfully trusted Christ to meet their need for intimacy?

July 21

“To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:10-16)

The advice from Paul, about staying married, carries apostolic authority. We should appreciate that Paul differentiates his recommendations from the commands of the Lord at the same time valuing his wise and consistent guidance for couples. Here Paul addresses those marriages that are made up of a believer and an unbeliever and gives good reasons why believers should stay married, following God’s command to do so. There are several passages in the New Testament where Jesus’s teaching about divorce is recorded, comparing it to adultery in some cases. (See Matthew 5:32; 19:9; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18.)

Jesus’s proclamation in Matthew 19:6, “What…God has joined together, let not man separate,” is consistent with his statute that “a man shall…hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” in Genesis 2:24. Paul’s reasoning, therefore, is also consistent. However, let us not misunderstand two biblical doctrines that may come into question here. First of all, nowhere in the Bible does God encourage believers to marry unbelievers. In Deuteronomy 7:1-4 God forbade the Israelites from intermarrying with non-Israelites whom they had captured in battle. Ezra and Nehemiah both rebuked the Jews who had married Gentiles in Jerusalem during and after the exile. In addition, Paul makes a solid case forbidding intermarriage with unbelievers in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?…What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God.”

In some cases, Christians are married before they are regenerated, and then one spouse may be converted while the other isn’t. The believer is the “temple of the living God,” with the indwelling Holy Spirit who may be used by the Lord to bring the other to true faith. But the second mistake would be to think that their spouse’s regeneration is definite, easy, based on human will, or based on any human effort. I can’t imagine a more challenging circumstance than for a Christian spouse to be married to an unbeliever. I have family members and friends who disagree strongly with my Christian beliefs and biblical truths—this is challenging for all parties. However, in Paul’s example, because the unbelieving spouse is in an intimate relationship with a believer, this “sets them apart” from a completely secular life.

Are you considering marrying an unbeliever? Don’t. The Bible is clear. Are you married to an unbeliever? Stay married. Are you trying to save your unbelieving spouse? Stop—only Christ can save souls, through the work of the Holy Spirit. Do you struggle with how to relate to your unbelieving spouse? God has a plan for you both; trust him and live the gospel with love, holiness, compassion, mercy, and forgiveness, for God’s glory, your sake, and your spouse’s welfare.

July 20

“Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, ‘Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?’ He answered, ‘Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.’ They said to him, ‘Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?’ He said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.’” (Matthew 19:3-10)

Jesus addressed the issue of divorce when the Pharisees came to test him. Divorce was never intended to be a viable solution to problems in a marriage. God has always commanded and desired that husbands and wives should remain together. God allows divorce for the safety and protection of the woman, as in this passage, within His parameters, in the case of sexual infidelity or abandonment. However, even in these situations, believers are to work diligently to keep their marriages together, by either confessing and repenting (as the offending party) or by offering forgiveness to the one who has offended you.

In verse 3 we learn that the Pharisees were testing Jesus rather than sincerely asking about divorce. Their hardness of heart toward him is reflected in his answer to them about their forefathers’ hardness of heart. Your Bible probably has a reference to Psalm 95, which says, “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts, as at Meribah, as on the day at Massah in the wilderness, when your fathers put me to the test and put me to the proof, though they had seen my work. For forty years I loathed that generation and said, ‘They are a people who go astray in their heart, and they have not known my ways'” (verses 8-10). Psalm 95 references Exodus 17:7, “And he called the name of the place Massah and Meribah, because of the quarreling of the people of Israel, and because they tested the Lord by saying, ‘Is the Lord among us or not?’” This circular reference should reinforce the truth that a hard heart only wants to test, not to be taught, as is the case with the Pharisees.

Divorce was used as an excuse for anything a man might find disagreeable in his wife. For example, if a man took a foreign woman into his house after a battle, God had a whole set of instruction about her ending with this, “But if you no longer delight in her, you shall let her go where she wants. But you shall not sell her for money, nor shall you treat her as a slave, since you have humiliated her.” (Deuteronomy 21:14) Further instructions are given in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. About the Pharisees and divorce, Easton’s Bible Dictionary says, “It seems that it was not uncommon for the Jews at that time to dissolve the union on very slight pretenses (Matt 5:31, 32; Matt 5:31 9; Mark 10:2 12; Luke 16:18).” * Doesn’t this sound like the world today, where people divorce for insignificant and selfish reasons?

Believers who have divorced with or without knowledge of these statutes may have sinned. But this sin is no different than any other; we have a beautiful Savior who loves to forgive his children and who sincerely wants us to live holy lives in obedience to Scripture’s parameters for believers.

*https://www.biblestudytools.com/dictionaries/eastons-bible-dictionary/divorce.html

July 19

“Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Corinthians 7:6-9)

God does not call everyone to be married, but He does call everyone to a particular marital status. In this passage, Paul teaches us that we are either called to be married or called to be single. He personally felt it was better to remain single, but only if one was not “burning with passion.” In that case, it would be better for the person to get married than risk sinning due to uncontrollable sexual desires. Paul makes it clear that he is speaking as a “concession, not a command” in verse 6. A concession has the meaning of something agreed to or granted to come to agreement or compromise. Paul clearly thinks that being single, which is his status, is better than being married. He repeats this clarification in verse 25, “Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy.” Jesus also made this concession, and it is recorded in Matthew 19:12: “For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

There is no command in Scripture for anyone to stay single, although there is to be married (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6). Knowing that the teaching of Scripture has the authority of God, who called the apostles to write the New Testament, and that Jesus also made this concession, we should regard Paul’s advice as excellent. If called to be single, without undue stress or great sexual temptation, we should stay single. Please notice that Paul speaks of burning with passion, which is an extreme state of agitation and distress, not ordinary sexual temptations that face us all at some time or another.

Later in the letter, Paul explains his preference for singleness. “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:32-34) Let married people not regard singleness as superior, but as a gift from the Lord (v. 6). Let single people not think they are somehow superior since Scripture clearly commands and endorses marriage.

In verse 17, Paul writes, “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him.” Many commentators are convinced that this is the vocational, marital, or economic status of the believer at the time of regeneration in Christ, versus being “called” to a particular status based on some inward conviction. I highly favor this interpretation because it places the basis of our standing with God, not with us who are flawed, emotional, and sentimental, thinking that some inner feeling is a calling from God.

Are you willing to stay in your current marital status, knowing that God has a purpose for you there? If you are single, are you burning with passion? If so—get married—but to a believer! If you are divorced or widowed and unhappy or lonely, will you commit to asking God for help to be content with your singleness?

 

July 18

“Brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.” (1 Thessalonians 4:1-8)

I was talking with one of my single readers yesterday who said that it was no trouble to stay celibate. But just refraining from sex isn’t enough if we are to follow these instructions from the Lord, given to Paul. We must guard our eyes whenever they wander to another’s body, in a magazine, on TV or in real life. We must also watch our thoughts when we’re watching movies with sexual scenes, and run from the temptation to dwell on these kinds of pleasures that may lead to sin. Our conduct is only the tip of the iceberg of holy obedience since all behavior flows from what is in our hearts (Matthew 23:27). Under the surface of our actions lies sinful emotions, desires, attitudes, and our will. It is not enough to restrain ourselves from sinful sexual encounters. We are expected to honor God with our bodies, minds, emotions, desires, and choices since God has called us in holiness, and has given us the Holy Spirit, who lives in us.

Whether we are single, widowed, married, or divorced, as Christians, we are called to holiness. Not only does this include sexual morality within marriage, it includes discernment for spouses to control their bodies. Holiness is a keyword in verses 4 and 7: “each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor…God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.” At the end of the passage, Paul proclaims that to reject our call to holiness is to deny the Holy Spirit. If we have been converted by God through the work of the Holy Spirit, we will not want to reject him. So, logically, only those who believe that they have been regenerated without a work of God are able to sin without remorse against the Holy Spirit. Everything—every word, action, desire, choice, and decision comes back to our belief and trust in Jesus Christ, who works in us through the Spirit. Our faith directs the way we dress, the things we say, what we watch, how we choose to act, and why we do what we do because of what we believe.

Do you have trouble with sexual desires, thoughts, or self-control? Will you confess freely to God and ask your spouse to help you? Is there something in particular that you can change together that will help you be holier in your marriage?  Singles, what do you need to do to be less affected by the sometimes overwhelming emphasis on sex in the media? (For addition meditation on this see Romans 1 and Colossians 2:6-8.)

July 17

“Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: ‘It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.’ But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:1-5)

What a radical view on sexual relations! We will look at three counter-cultural principles in this passage: that it’s good for singles to abstain from sex, that sex is not for yourself but for your spouse, as a “right,” and that the only reason for spouses to refrain is for prayer and by agreement.  Paul mentions temptation twice and reminds us that Satan will use our temptations to cause us to sin, especially when we are lacking self-control. We know that Paul is speaking of singles in verse 1 because he would not immediately contradict himself in the next verses when he instructs husbands and wives to give each other their conjugal rights. If a single person is not overcome by sexual desires, Paul encourages them to remain single. However, marriage is the proper and God-given direction to those who need sexual intimacy, since God works all things together for good for those who love him and are called by him (Romans 8:28).

The ESV’s use of conjugal “rights” for the husband and wife is sometimes translated “due” or “obligation.” John Gill describes this as “’due benevolence,’…a euphemism, and designs the act of coition; which as it is an act of love and affection, a sign of mutual benevolence, so of justice; it is a due debt from divine ordination, and the matrimonial contract.” (1) In contrast to the idea today that sexual relations are my business and my “right,” the Bible remains firm on the moral law that sexual intimacy is for marriage alone, and in marriage, sex is an act of love toward the other, each having the right to this intimacy. The idea of rights is carried into verse 4, which speaks of each spouse having “authority” or “power” over the other’s body. Matthew Henry succinctly says, “marriage, and the comforts of that state, are settled by Divine wisdom.” (2) Knowing that we are called to die to ourselves, and lose our lives for Christ’s sake, we can easily appreciate that everything in marriage, including sexual intimacy, is to serve others in love (1 Peter 2:24; Luke 9:24).

Finally, husbands and wives are to separate sexually by mutual agreement only, for a time of prayer. Since it is a husband’s right to his wife’s body, and it is a wife’s right to her husband’s, it only makes sense that they will have to agree to give each other “space,” rather than take it from each other. There is no other logical way to separate sexually within marriage, but sexual intimacy alone is addressed. Personal intimacy, which is a need of all people at all times, and disagreements should be addressed in prayer before the Lord so that the marriage relationship does not suffer from the withholding of this right. Otherwise, sexual “favors” become a weapon in the hands of the withholding spouse.

Marriage is complicated! But in the Lord, with his wisdom and consistent commands, it becomes a delightful encounter between a man and a woman who seek to love each other with the love of Christ. Does Christ’s love guide your marriage?

July 16

July 16

“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” (Colossians 3:18-19)

In Colossians 3:18-4:1, under the ESV heading “Rules for Christian Households,” Paul uses these phrases: “in the Lord…this pleases the Lord…fearing the Lord…as to the Lord…from the Lord…serving the Lord Christ.” The apostle is explicitly calling on Christians to have a counter-cultural mindset that leads to godly character in their homes. As we have seen in earlier devotions on marriage, believers view marriage differently from the world. Husbands are the spiritual heads and loving leaders of their families; wives are encouragers and helpers, created by God to support their husbands.

There are several biblical reasons for marriage in God’s Word, including raising children to create families and communities of faith (Genesis 1:28), life-long companionship (Genesis 2:20-23), and mutual sanctification while satisfying physical needs in an exclusive relationship (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8). Husbands and wives also have the benefit of learning how to relate to each other biblically, working out issues and disagreements with someone they love intimately. These distinct roles do not exclude equality; differing functions within the marriage actually lead to less competition, more appreciation, and greater unity. Practicing these roles leads to a greater understanding of God’s three persons, each with his own role in salvation.

In marriage, a personal connection with unique gender distinctiveness is vital. The ESV Study Bible notes, “There was a tendency in the Roman world for men to rage bitterly against their wives and mistreat them. Because of their greater strength and louder voices, men in their sinful natures are prone to use harsh words, threats, unkindness, and even physical violence to intimidate their wives. There is no room for even a hint of this in a Christian home; instead, men are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25).” (1)

In “Good Faith” the authors state, “Following Jesus radically redefines the ideas by which good faith Christians live. Our relationship with our Creator is reflected in our words and actions. Our faith demands that we adopt a way of life that honors our King. In some cases, we have to get weird. This isn’t easy. Who wants to be the odd man out, right?…Merely by faithfully following Christ, we will stand in opposition to a culture that demands our fidelity…It seems sometimes that it might be easier to go along and get along. But deep in our bones we know that following Jesus requires more.” (2) The authors go on to warn against assimilating into the world’s ways of life.

Now John Gill will weigh in on the issue. ““It is also a ‘decent’ and becoming thing for wives to be subject to their husbands; for as it is giving honour to them, it is a real ornament to themselves, and is one of those good works which women professing godliness should adorn themselves with; and makes more comely and beautiful than broidered hair; gold, pearls, or costly array, yea, than their natural favour and beauty: it is what is fitting ‘in the Lord,’… and is to be observed by all those that are ‘in’ him, that profess to be new creatures, converted persons, that so the word of God be not blasphemed, and the enemy have no occasion to reproach.” (3)

One of my married friends told me, “I learn something new about marriage every day.” Wouldn’t it be good if we all held this viewpoint, realizing that as we grow wiser in our gender-specific roles the more we will appreciate and love God’s Word on the subject?